Nature’s Comfort in Grief
BY: Mollie K. P. Borgione, ATR-BC, PC
CATEGORY: Grief and Loss
PUBLICATION: About Grief
Thirty-five years ago, J. William Worden first put forth The Four Tasks of Mourning, through which he believed grieving people must navigate following the death and loss of a loved one. Over the years, he has distilled the wording of these tasks to make them easier to understand and more meaningful.
The latest version (2018) is:
1. To accept the reality of the loss.
2. To process the pain of grief.
3. To adjust to a world without the deceased.
4. To find a way to remember the deceased in the midst of embarking on the rest of one’s journey through life.
As an art therapist, I have watched grieving people as they address all these tasks over time. That said, Worden’s last task, is perhaps, the primary function of our Healing Arts workshops. We offer art therapy workshops monthly for people to create something in memory of their loved ones. Art can help them to make sense of their loss, find their way to healing and growth and begin to live in a world in which their loved one is physically absent.
Often in their creations, people use images of nature to symbolize transformation and spiritual connection with loved ones. These are seen as transitional objects, or things that help people navigate through difficult times in their lives. Encounters with nature bring them comfort in their grief.
One man told of the special affection he and his wife had for groundhogs because they saw several of them on their honeymoon in Niagara Falls.
“The day after my wife passed away I went to the cemetery to make arrangements. When I came home there was a groundhog in the backyard. There never was a groundhog in the backyard before, and after he ran away there has never been another one in the yard,” he told me. “It’s a messenger - a reminder of the good times and to let me know that she is OK, and I am too.”
When my friend’s sister entered hospice care, my friend went to her plot at the community garden where she finds peace. A big hawk came to rest on a fence post in her small plot and sat staring at her for several minutes. She was comforted by its presence. Another time, she was talking to her neighbor about her sister after she died, and they noticed several hawks flying above them. On Christmas day, the first after her sister’s death, the family noticed a hawk flying outside the window. They took this as a message that their sister, wife and mom was with them in spirit.
These experiences help people make meaning of their losses. Have you had encounters with nature that help you make the transition into a life without your loved one?
A grandmother represented herself and her two granddaughters, one of whom was murdered, as birds on a rock, symbolizing their solid-as-a-rock connection.
A woman’s painting of a landscape. Her husband, who died, was originally from Tuscany and loved sunflowers.
A young woman’s grandparents had never quite gotten along living in the same house. After they died, she depicted them as birds in a bird house. It made her smile to remember them in this way.
A little girl whose father died painted the tree in their backyard where she remembers playing with her dad.