Grief is Hard Work

BY: Mollie Postotnik, MA, ATR, PC

CATEGORY: Grief and Loss
PUBLICATION: About Grief

Grief can be exhausting. You may not have the energy to do the things you did prior to the death of your loved one. At times it may seem that losing them is more than you can bear. You may feel that life will never be enjoyable again. You may question what "normal" is. You might feel that you are the only one who has ever felt like this. Perhaps you notice changes in your eating and/or drinking habits. Maybe you are having problems sleeping or are sleeping much more than usual. You may wonder if there is something wrong with you.

Just know that you are not alone in these experiences! These are just a few common grief reactions and they will eventually pass as you actively participate in your grief process. What does that mean? It means that you will need to experience your grief physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, as a holistic process. Change comes with loss. Depending on the role of your loved one in your life and the nature of your relationship, the circumstances of your life may change radically after your loss. Physical activities like gardening, lifting weights, running, taking long walks, yoga, and other types of movement help in negotiating through the feelings and to relieve stress.

Emotionally and mentally, you may find it helpful to talk to others who have also experienced the death of a loved one. People who have been there understand more deeply where you are. Sometimes people say things that are not helpful to those who are grieving. It's important to remember that, as a grieving person, you have a right to your feelings, no matter what anyone else thinks. Everyone grieves differently and for varying lengths of time. You need supportive people around you that will give you the space to grieve and allow you to express your feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and even joy as you work through the grieving process. You may also need time to process your feelings on an inner level. There are a variety of ways of doing this: listening to soothing or inspirational music, journaling, writing poetry, meditating, or working with your hands to create art.

Spiritually, your ideas of how life works may have been damaged by the loss of your loved one. Many people question their beliefs after the death of a loved one. You may not know what to believe anymore. You may no longer feel that you have a purpose. Talking these things over with your priest, rabbi, minister, spiritual advisor or counselor, or your best friend will help you sort things out. Spending time communing with nature or in places or spaces where you feel a spiritual connection is also beneficial.

Give yourself the opportunities to grieve on all levels.

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