Book Review: I Can’t Stop Crying It’s So Hard When Someone You Love Dies

BY: April L. Ratcliffe LSW 

CATEGORY: Grief and Loss


Book written by John D. Martin and Frank D. Ferris MD

After the death of a loved one, bereaved family members and friends may feel like all they can do is weep. I Can’t Stop Crying, is a short book which explains that this is not only normal, but also an important step in the grieving process. Authors John D. Martin, a bereavement counselor, and Frank D. Ferris MD, a palliative care specialist, discuss the importance of giving yourself permission to grieve and offer suggestions for rebuilding your life without your loved one.

The book is divided into three parts: “Grief,” “The Heart” and “The Head.” The authors review how the death of a loved one affects your emotions, relationships, lifestyle, work habits and hopes for the future. They use what they refer to as the three Rs—Realize, Recognize, and Rebuild—to help explain the grieving process.

Martin and Ferris also emphasize that even though grief is painful, it allows us to reconstruct our lives after a major loss. Society often seems to have unrealistic expectations for people who are grieving. They may feel like people should “hurry up and get over it.” Consequently, this may prevent one from grieving in a normal and healthy way.

“Our society needs to be re-educated in understanding grief,” fellow author Robert Buckman MD, PhD, noted in the foreword. “This book is part of that much-needed enlightenment.”

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